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Truth does not change lives. It’s Truth APPLIED that changes lives.

here's my reflections based on today's sermon (refering to christmas service, 25th dec).. hmm.. e summary of e sermons is 2 posts down.. hmm.. i rather u guys read tis srsly, than my normal random crapping.. hope tis reflection of mine is able to bless u readers in some ways too.. it's long, i noe.. n i may b naggy.. but.. jus spend some tym reading it..

Oh, how often we humans cannot keep still! Haha.. isn’t this true? Well, ask someone to sit at a place for 5 minutes, don’t do anything, don’t move and just sit there, soon you will see him fidgeting in his seat. Well, I cannot keep still too. Ask me to give a 2 hours tuition, I’ll start moving around, losing attention after like say an hour or less. We have short attention span, don’t we? This is keeping still in one sense. There’s still something else that we have problem keeping still. That’s with regards to our lives! Well, most won’t just sit and do nothing about their lives. We set goals to achieve, set expectations for ourselves, and we want the best in lives. So when we face problems and troubles, all the more we won’t sit still! We will get all frantic, running here and there, trying this method and that, trying all means to solve the problems! Well, you may say that’s human instinct. Afterall, who when seeing their house on fire, won’t run everywhere to get water to put out the fire? But sometimes, what God wants us to do and require us to do is just so opposite from what our human instinct tells us to. Instead of asking you to run everywhere to get water to put out the fire, God is actually saying ‘Hey you! Stop there! Stop running around like an aimless guy, hoping to bump into some water somewhere. I AM the source of water that you need to put out this fire and I AM right here! Stop looking elsewhere!’ Indeed, the real solution is right here with us! How often we miss that. We are called to BE STILL and know that I (HE) am (is) God. (Psalm 46:10) All we need to do is be still and let God do what He always do – being God.

But this is hard! I know. To fight against the instinct to attempt to save ourselves out of some mess.. but we are not always capable of doing that. Many a times, life spins out of control. We have totally no control to how things will turn out in the end, how people will react to it and what people think. No doubt we can anazlyse the problems, come out with some solutions, some of which we think are very good and will definitely work. But.. there are still times when all efforts were useless and we are left helpless. Totally helpless and clueless of what to do! Why is it that we only turn to God when we have problems that we cant solve? And for those that we can, those small or so we thought problems, we try to handle it ourselves? Is it pride in the way? Pride telling us that we can do it on our own. Such a small stuff, I can handle it, don’t need to get God’s help. Or is it an illusion of control that we have. An illusion that tries to tell us that we can control things. We can make our own decisions and save ourselves from the mess. I can do it without God. Oh, how wrong we can get! How we need a humble posture in our life. To humbly come before God and saying ‘God, I can’t do it. Things are just not within my control. But I know they are within Yours. God, I want to let go of trying to control my life and let You control it. Because only You can control everything that is happening in my life. Nothing spins out of control in You.’ How we need to recognize this! But applying it is another issue!

Letting go have never been easy. Someone told me before, to let go and let God. To let go of things that we hold so strongly and firmly to and let God take over from there, take charge. It’s just like a small kid. If she is holding on to her favourite toy, it may be hard to try to convince her to put it down at times. Well, we do hold many things so tightly and refuse to loosen our grip, even a single bit! We hold on to our past hurts, our anxieties, our reputations, our grades, our job, our loved ones, our possessions and so many more! Aren’t our hands so full with stuff and our heart weary from being tied down by so many stuffs! Especially how we have to fight with that fear of losing all we so tightly hold on to! I know how it feels, cause I am one who finds it extremely hard to let go. But here, we are not just asked to let go, forget things and totally put down. But we are asked to bring them to Jesus. To let Him take charge from here. We don’t have to worry about them anymore. We just leave them to God and sees what God do about them. He may take away someone important in our lives, He may make us lose something that we treasured a lot, but things are not out of His control. We just need to press on in this road, trusting that He has our best interests at heart. Trusting that He knows what He is doing. Sometimes we thought we know what we are doing and think that that’s the way to do it and when God do things another way, we question ‘God, do You know what You are doing? Things shouldn’t be this way!’ Hmm.. may I question, who’s God? Who can see the bigger picture? Who knows what is really the best?

Well, I can talk and write a lot. But am I doing it? I can only say that I am still learning. There are many things in life that I worry about. Especially my grades being unable to meet the expectations of my boss. There are still hurts that I hold on to. Sometimes, it’s not those who hurt us that continues to hurt us, but we ourselves. How we often open that wound ourselves and pour salt on it. Sounds stupid? But this is what we do sometimes. Or maybe I, not we. Why is it so hard to let go? Sometimes it’s the sense of insecurity, we feel more secured holding on tightly to the things we treasured and our possessions. Sometimes we just cannot get over those hurts and let those painful memories taunt us. We allow ourselves to dwell in those memories, in those thoughts, in those hurtful words said and deeds done. Sometimes, our guilty conscience just won’t leave us alone. But all these, we can surrender to God. He is the true source of our sense of security. Things on earth change, possessions get lost and we don’t bring them with us when we die. The only unchanging is God. Shouldn’t we all the more surrender our hurts and pain to God? Cause He understands it all and He is the only One who can heal us of our wounds with His love and comfort us with His loving Hands. Oh, how we can run into the embrace of our God, our heavenly Father. Guilty conscience are sometimes satan’s way of using shame to hinder us from returning to God. For God is faithful and is willing to forgive us whenever we are willing to repent of our sins. He cancels all the mistakes that we made. Isnt this just so nice? We no longer have to carry that black mark with us into eternity. In God’s book, it’s all white and clean again. Well, I am trying to surrender things of my life into His Hands. Empty my hands and put all these down at the Cross. It’s very hard and may be a long process for me. But this is something that I am determined to work on in 2010. Letting God take control of my life. Admitting that I cant do much for I am limited, but I have an Almighty God who never fails.

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
Wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
Wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
Our God, You reign forever
Our Hope, our strong Deliverer

You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint, You won't grow weary
You're the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on wings like eagles

You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
The everlasting God
The everlasting God

Whatever that is hindering me from letting go and letting God, I want to bring them to God and seek God’s help to remove these hindrance. Lord, I really need You in my life.

There’s a higher purpose for our lives. It aint just living day by day, going through the mundane and one day, reaching the end of our lives and that’s it. The higher purpose for our lives is God’s purpose for us! He created us to have a close relationship with Him. A love relationship. He doesn’t just create us so that we toil our lives slogging after good grades, having great achievements, earning loads of money. That just misses the whole picture! God’s agenda and purpose for us is one that lasts for eternal. Well, we may be placed in different parts of the world, doing different jobs to witness for God to those around us. To leave an impact on those that past our lives. But God also want to save the world! He wants us to spread Him to those around us so that they can know Him and be saved and experience that love relationship with Him too. How we often fret over the things of life, some very small things. Some we consider big, like money issues. But is that really big? I mean isn’t ensuring that we live a purpose-driven life, a life that we have been created for, more important? Yes, no doubt we still need to give our best for what we do, but don’t miss what really is important – your relationship with God. All we need to do is trust in the Lord and be faithful to Him and He has promised that first seek the kingdom of God and all these will be added to you. Doesn’t God knows our needs better than us? Doesn’t He knows what we need? He will provide them, so don’t worry about them! First seek the kingdom of God! Do we really need those things that we think we need? Well, we are actually humans with simple needs. We just need air to breathe, water to drink and food to eat. God definitely provided us with enough oxygen, water and food! But we keep thinking that we need that luxury meal at that so-and-so restaurant. That branded bag from where and where. That nice and expensive clothes. When we are already well-clothed. Aren’t our basic needs met? But how unsatisfied we humans are! We can be easily satisfied if we choose to give thanks for everything that we have. Don’t compare with others what we don’t have. Give a child a new pen, don’t have to be an expensive one, and he will be happy. What about us? We are actually humans with simple needs. But we have too many complicated wants.

Lord, help me to walk my talk. Help me to stay faithful to You to the end. Help me to focus on what really is important and not waste my time fretting over the small little things that aint really important at the end of the day. Help me not lose sight of what really matters. Lord, help me to surrender the lordship of my life into Your hands and not be the ruler of my own life. For You have come and bought my life with a high price. My life no longer belongs to me but to You, Lord. Lord, the flesh is weak. Thank You Lord for being faithful and for being here for me always.

It’s the first time that I stood up in response to the speaker’s invitation. This comes after being in this church for 6 months. Many times, I will want to stand up, but something will be hindering me. Perhaps the impression that others may have of me? Perhaps cause people around me aint standing, so I don’t dare to. But this is something between me and God, not me and the so-and-so that may be sitting next to me. It’s my personal response to God. Why should I care how others view me for that? Today, during the response, I felt the tug inside me to stand up. I know clearly that God has spoken to me. He has moved my heart and He has spoken to my heart. There’s just a tugging in my heart and I know I cannot ignore that. How I want to let go and let God. How I want to let God take charge of my life. And how I want to live with His purpose in my life! Yup. 2009 may be a mess, many ups and downs, many tears, but 2010 can start on a different note! History doesn’t have to repeat itself, I don’t have to be stuck this way forever. A year is long enough. It’s time to move on. I have the choice. I can torture myself thus causing 2010 to start on the same note as 2009 or I can just learn to let go and let God through prayers. How I want 2010 to be a closer walk with God, for things to be different, where I can recover back the joy, peace and love that I have in God. And that God’s blessings can overflow in my life that I can bless those around me too. That close walk with God will be so sweet that it is worth giving up many things for! That is something that I won’t give in exchange for! Lord, help me walk closer to You, fix my eyes on You and take charge of my life.

Labels: sermon reflections, songs: You are the everlasting God

ok.. after church, went to causeway pt.. trying to spend tym till 7pm.. tt's like bout 5hrs plus at causeway pt area.. haha.. hmm.. was surprised to receive e xmas gift from mj.. haha.. didnt expect it.. haha.. it's sweets. i dun really take sweets.. but i'll keep it.. try to find a container for it, mayb.. n bring it to sch next sem.. to eat n prevent myself from falling asleep during lect.. hope it doesnt make me gain weight.. :x.. lol.. haha.. n at woodlands, after sending friend to interchange, i was approached by a person to do survey.. she was a bit shocked when she noe i m chinese.. -.- say i look like mixed blood.. it's smth like promotion for health pdts. haha.. anw, after e survey, i went to e block nearby my relative's block, sat down, took out my laptop n typed e post tt will follow after tis.. haha.. spent bout 1hr plus blogging tt n i fed e mostiquotes there.. -.-

dinner.. w relatives.. hmm.. alot of food.. but nt full.. :x.. den i guess i gt too bored, so i started playing w 2 of my younger cousins... 1 12yrs old, another 8.. den start 'pillow throw'.. lol.. den i 'bully' them.. haha.. cos i gt more strength.. :x.. then they throw pillow at me, i catch them loh.. haha... ok.. dunno y i'll suddenly play w them again.. haha.. n i gt an organiser for next yr for free.. haha.. c.. dun need buy.. haha.. :x.. den one of my aunty go talk bout e embarassing stuff of me when i m young to my 2 young cousins.. -.- x2.. oh ya.. there was a baby gal in our midst today! haha.. my niece.. ah.. i old liao.. haha.. but i ok to being aunty for niece.. cos i think i was aunty a few yrs back for my mum's side.. my poor young cousin.. 8 yrs old only.. become aunty.. haha.. e baby gal so cute.. 2 months old exactly.. n she keeps sleeping.. haha.. undisturbed by e noisy surroundings.. haha.. ok.. i m v tired now.. will post my next post tt i typed in e afternoon.. a v long one.. but nt crapping.. tt's serious writing.. haha.. i rather u guys read tt than me crapping.. haha..

here is e main outline of today's xmas service e sermon.. it's on 'When life gets out of control'

Psalm 46:10 Be still and know I am God
Being still means to cease, to let go. To be rested in God
1. Have a humble posture in life
Illusion of control: thinking that we can control the way things are and our life.
We are not in control, God is. Letting go and letting God take charge and our hearts will stop churning out of fear, insecurity, anger, resentment, etc and will be still.
Surrender is giving in to God, not giving up.
Peace is not the absence of trouble, but the presence of God

4 things to manage (Enough is enough)
- E xpectations
not having unrealistic expectations. Being faithful to what God has called us to
- N eeds
we are people of simple needs
- A nger
don’t get angry with God, God is not at fault, our sins are!
- F ocus
what is my belief system?

2. Have a higher purpose for life
God’s agenda is for the world (His redemptive purpose)
When life spins out of control, keep your vision
God will fulfill His purposes. We just need to be FAITHFUL
Don’t fret over the small things in life. Catch hold of the larger picture.
God is with us.

Labels: sermons

7 yrs ago, on tis day.. somewhere 9plus if my memory served me right.. was e tym i accepted Christ.. i didnt understand wat was said to me.. i dun noe wat i m accepting.. i dunno wat i got myself into.. afterall, i m only a 12yr old kid.. aint v bright..

but i nv regret tt decision.. nope.. n as i grew up, i oso m more clear of wat i got myself into.. it aint a mess.. it's a blessing.. God desires me to know more about Him too.. tt's y He allowed me to grow in His Truth and come to know what He have done for me and what Christianity is about in e next few yrs..

it aint a bed of roses tt i gt myself into.. perhaps it can b considered a bed of roses.. but w its thorns still there.. haha.. ok.. hmm.. how time flies.. i recalled either last yr or 2 yrs ago, i did share w a grp of sis n brothers tt i nearly left e faith.. tt was e once n only tym tt i thot of quitting.. cos it aint an easy road.. n i thot to myself.. if i m nt a christian, most prob, i wun b gng thru all these.. the need to change tis n tt.. caring so much bout doing wat is right n wat pleases God.. cant i jus hack care like others? (sry for being a but crude here.. hehe).. i wun b bothered by all these if i m nt a christian! n being hurt by ppl whom r suppose to b ur sisters n brothers in Christ.. (but well.. we r all ppl capable of hurting others n being hurt ourselves).. but i m thankful tt God was gracious n forgiving.. forgiving me for harbouring such a thot.. i can choose to throw in e blanket n say i quit.. i can say i was quite bad at tt tym... i rmb myself throwing a 'tantrum' at God.. refusing to pray.. but weird thing is i still cont reading His word, doing my quiet time.. perhaps it's a habit or wat.. perhaps is God still holding me back with His word.. i dunno.. such 'boldness' right? to dare to b out to spite God.. well.. other things tt i did, i shall nt mention here.. haha.. it's really bad.. but thank You Lord for nt giving up on me and bringing me back to You.. it was a painful time.. but God was faithful and patient w me.. Thank You for loving me, if nt, i would hv died a thousands times for throwing tt 'tantrum' at You..

Wat kept me back.. was the love of God.. was God Himself.. i hv tasted wat life is w Him around.. n i hv gone thru many ups n downs in life.. spiritual life is like a love life.. roller coaster rides at times too.. n i clearly noe tt i cnt live a life w/o Him.. i'll die.. tt's wat keep occuring in my mind.. 'i'll die w/o God'.. it's in a few sense.. first.. i'll die.. cos i refused to b saved by Him.. spiritual death.. in another sense is tt i noe i cnt get on in tis life w/o Him.. who can i turn to for support when i need? who will b there whom i can talk to 24/7.. n most impt, who UNDERSTAND n CARE.. i cant depend on myself.. i cant depend on ppl around me.. God is e Only One tt i can depend on.. i guess perhaps i would hv committed suicide if nt for God.. who is my Hope, my Comfort and my Refuge. i'll really die if i walk out of tis.. i noe.. i dunno how to explain tis.. i guess some will noe wat i m trying to say.. can some1 phrase it out better for me?

In tis season of xmas.. my prayer today was let at least today n tml, b nt bout me.. let my mind nt b preoccuppied by my own stuff n probs.. but b bout tt baby Jesus born on tis special day.. i m still learning to place God in e centre of my life.. n nt b self-centred... but it's hard.. so i m praying tt for these 2 days.. at least.. let my prayers nt revolved around me, me n me.. but giving thanks for all God has done.. if not for tt baby boy born 2000yrs ago, i wun b who i m today. srsly.. e karen u all noe wun b e karen u all now noe.. i dunno how i'll turn out.. but definitly nt like tis.. haha.. anywhere close? i dunno..

Thank You for coming into the world, to experience life e way we do, understanding wat we go thru n for going on e path leading to the Cross. Thank You for loving me. I nv wan to harbour any thot of turning back on tis path tt i hv taken.. there's still alot to learn.. alot to b changed.. n like i say, it aint a bed of roses.. things aint gonna b smooth-sailing.. infact, at times, it may hurt a lot.. it may hurt till an extent tt u think u cant bear it anymore.. n u may b dragged out of ur comfort zone.. n unwillingly, or even bitterly.. or even u think tt u r left w/o a choice but to obey.. but i can only say tt all these r nt sacrifices.. but things tt we do bcos of wat He did for us.. it's a response to smth done..

indeed.. christmas is a tym for thanksgiving n rejoicing for a Savior is born today.. Amen!

Labels: testi

haha.. v tired.. cos woke up v early today n out e whole day.. spent most of today reblonding my hair.. was scared tt my skin will b sensitive to e chemicals again like e first tym.. but lucky no.. haha.. n realised tt e heat is gng to kill many of my brain cells.. super hot.. n it does damage e hair.. haha.. ok.. like i say, i'll only do reblonding under 2 reasons.. or mayb 3.. haha.. anw, after tt spent a long tym waiting for my dear friend to get ready to leave e hse.. meanwhile, i finished reading my bk! *claps*.. haha.. lol.. such an achievement.. esp when i hv bought tt bk in 2007.. n i didnt read it during my 8 months hol after A's.. lol.. ok.. it's really an achievement for me to finish reading a bk.. haha.. :x

ok.. i wait till i keep wanting to doze off.. v tired.. den after tt, we finally left their hse.. n went to northpoint n spent my last 20% voucher there! haha.. bought 2 notebooks.. haha.. i hv many many notebooks n i dun use many a yr.. at most one or 2.. haha.. but aiya.. haha.. i'll use it in yrs to come.. :x.. haha.. well.. at least i dun spend money on organisers cos i noe i wun really use it.. haha.. so my organisers r either given or self-created from notebk.. haha.. n i pampered myself by buying a nice eraser n another pilot shaker pencil.. i really like using it.. n it can last me v v long.. dun recall it spoiling.. jus losing it once.. i think.. n i was sad.. haha.. it's really nice to use n i really love it.. my main pencil for e past dunno how many yrs.. loss count.. haha.. i think i m pampering myself too much.. haha.. well. i only buy stationaries twice a yr.. june n dec.. but june tis yr i didnt buy.. cos i dun hv pop card.. haha.. n i bought some more xmas cards.. haha. to give to my relatives.. haha..

when i got back, i received e xmas card sent by cy.. i noe she is sending, but when i opened it, i was pleasantly surprised.. cos it's hand-made! haha.. it's really sweeeet.. n w a small photo too! haha..

ok.. i m continuing w another blog post ltr.. hmm.. stop pampering myself.. cos it aint helping one mood to feel better.. mood may jus b an excuse to lavish some money on oneself..

oh ya.. while shopping at popular, i chance upon e crystal flower tt nanny bought for me.. n i saw e price.. :x

ahh.. ok.. i m pissed w myself for being unable to find smth.. i wrote these thots down on a piece of paper.. n i did type it out in e end.. forgot whether i published it in my blog.. but i wanna find it back.. it's written sometime tis yr.. later half of e yr.. which i was waiting for tuition to start.. can u pls tell me where r u? ah..

haha.. dun ask me y.. but i m starting to label some of my blog posts.. those random rantings.. i wun label.. haha.. i guess it'll help if i wan to find back any particular post bah.. haha.. dunno.. nt really labelling alot.. haha..

n i guess my dad is kind of surprise to find me reading a bk at home.. haha.. cos i continued reading 'He chose the nails'. haha.. he was asking wat bk m i reading. haha..

n i m using 2 laptops at one go again.. haha. finally using my old laptop after burying it under stuffs.. haha.. :x well.. it still hv alot of uses.. cos it contains alot of christian songs inside.. n i was using itunes in tt laptop.. dun ask me y.. i jus prefer using it den windows media player.. but e formats r unsuitable for transfers.. so wat i m doing now is to burn those songs to cd-rw.. den rip into windows media player than bluetooth to my new laptop.. haha.. cos i think my old laptop gt virus.. dun wan to put any thumbdrive, mp3, or cd into it n into my new laptop. haha..

i guess i m really stubborn.. haha.. dad always ask me to go a bus stop further down n nt alight at the stop right outside ntu.. be it gng to hostel or gng home.. cos he feels tt place is unsafe.. an open target for accidents.. a lot of heavy vehicles passing by there.. n nt many ppl there.. well.. tt stop hor.. cos of e heavy vehicles passing by, sometimes e bus driver cnt c u.. so sometimes they wun stop.. happened once.. so i learnt to flag way earlier.. n put my hand up higher.. n only put it down when i saw e driver signalling left..

but at least, i dun board from tt place when it's at night.. cos it's really dark, n really no ppl.. e back is forested area.. e front, is some construction, under jtc.. well..tt stop is e nearest to sch mah.. save money, save time.. haha.. though one stop down will nt really make a difference in e money saved.. but mayb in bout 3 mins saved? haha.. well.. e stop further down, my dad oso say cnt c e bus coming.. since both stops hv it's cons.. choose e one tt's nearer lah.. haha.. :P i m jus too stubborn.. sometimes only willing to listen when things happen.. well.. isnt my stubborness oso e one keeping me from obeying God at times? tt heartening of heart to God's whispers.. sometimes till God hv to send a serious n clear warning b4 i obey.. y go to tt extent?

i was reading.. 'He chose the nails' by Max Lucado, 1 of my fav christian bks author.. dun ask me y.. i didnt really read finish any of his bks.. but i guess i like e way he writes bks.. it's nt jus info or wat.. it's written in a personal way.. w a personal touch n is able to touch one's heart.. n i was oso reading another bk concurrently jus now.. it was my roomie bk.. hmm.. i'll still finish my bk first b4 i cont w hers.. but i'll try to finish both b4 hol end.. i was reading both bks when i was in hostel tis afternoon..

when i was at 'He chose the nails' and read tis part from a story e author wrote, i gt emotional.. dun ask me y.. i noe God is speaking to me.. it's a letter from a father to her daughter..
'i know where you are,' it read. 'i know what you do. this doesn't change the way i feel. What i've said in each letter is still true.'
well.. it does send a bit of chill down e spine.. imagine receiving such a letter n reading e front part.. someone noes wat i m doing n where i am.. feel like being stalked or watched closely by.. but isnt this e case between us and our heavenly Father? He clearly knows where we are every instant and what we are doing or even thinking.. where can we go to hide from Him? But even though He knows all these.. some of e ugly things we think and do.. those tt we may even b shameful to face up to.. yet it doesnt change the way He feels towards us.. how much He loves us.. His promises for us still hold true.. He is still the constant in tis everchanging world n He is still constantly inviting us back into His very presence to be reconciled with Him and to walk with Him closely. How undeserving we are for the things we have been doing.. how we feel so unworthy of His invitation to take that special place that He had prepared for us in His presence.. yet.. this is the LOVE of God.. i m loss for words..

Labels: abit of sharing on He chose the nails

haha.. tuition cancelled.. so tis wk, no tuition.. haha.. my tutees r busy w xmas too.. haha.. well. a gd thing for me.. i got a 1 wk break from tuition... n i guess, it's a timely break tt God is giving me.. as xmas is drawing near, it's gd to stop n think y did Jesus came.. n yup.. e yr is coming to an end soon.. to look back, reflect, give thanks n pray bout things.. n hopefully, start on e right track in 2010..

wah.. stressed.. srsly, lacking faith.. hai..

tis is taken from e summary of my church's sermon last sun.. on wat love is..

Love is
... a wonderful thing
... a story
... an emotional rollercoaster
... a disappointment
... lost
Because love is lost ...
Our soul craves
... for love
... for acceptance
... for meaning
... for true love
Why is true love lost?
Humanity has
... sinned
... been separated from God
... lost their true love
... forgotten God
Can true love be found?
True love is found
... through Jesus Christ
... because Jesus knows our cravings ...
Jesus died
... rose again
... and invites you to discover love
Jesus is the true expression of love!

Labels: a bit on what love is..

ok.. i m v tired.. yet i m still awake at tis tym.. was intending to type tis post while i let my hair dry.. so i can slp.. but in e end, i end up doing other stuff.. now tt my hair is almost dried.. it's tym to start n finish blogging.. haha.. ok.. i'll try to keep tis short (but guess i'll fail as usual)..

ok.. morning wake up.. rush a bit.. to pack my bag.. to pack some clothes in, to bring to hostel.. so i dun need to bring so many clothes next tym.. n sch is starting.. so need to fill my empty wardrobe again.. hmm.. i need to stock up more food.. more food tt r appealing.. cos i m hungry now n all i hv r maggie mee, pringles.. n sugar crackers.. boring.. hv stared at them for a sem le.. time to get some biscuits.. dunno wat though.. haha.. den i rush to sch.. to make sure i reach my room b4 1.30pm.. cos tt's when course registration start.. n i need tym to pack my lunch from hall canteen too.. haha.. few weeks didnt eat canteen food le.. haha.. canteen food cheaper.. haha. ok.. managed to alight at e right bus stop today.. -.- n manage to reach b4 1.30pm.. u noe wat.. i had everything planned nicely in stars planner.. when 1.30pm comes, i click add.. but those index tt i wan was soon gone.. only manage to get 2 index tt i wan out of my 4 core added.. e waitlist for my electives r getting super long.. 2000+ ppl on waitlist for round 200 vacancies.. siao.. sure cnt get de.. haha.. but who ask those mod tt i m interested in r those popular ones.. hai. haha..

after i finally registered for my core n put electives on waitlist, i felt tired lah.. felt as though i jus fought a battle.. hai.. when registering, everything seems so messed up.. cos it's different index no.. den my time table is quite messy lah.. oh well.. c add/drop period can manage to switch e index no nt loh.. hai.. but i cnt get defence sci.. a yr 2 prescribed mod.. but we can clear when we r in yr 1.. actually, i wanna clear now.. since i cnt take psycho n chem mod next sem.. might as well clear tt next sem so yr 2 sem 2, i can clear other mod.. hai.. anw, my time table is v shitty.. dun need to c my electives oso shitty.. if i dun manage to add 2 electives out of e 5 i put on waitlist, i hv to play fastest fingers again during add/drop.. n camp infront of e laptop.. sian.. but i think i need to do tt to switch index no le.. hai.. dun like tis..

ok.. den went to help w deco.. today is my hall xmas.. which i m overall i/c w 2 other gals.. set up at an open area.. start drizzling.. weather forecast was rain w lighting.. so we decided to use indoor.. turn out was more than expected.. food was insufficient.. so most of e committee member didnt really get to eat.. i got to eat a piece of kueh n a little bit of bee hoon.. hungry.. haha.. but i dun feel like eating maggie mee.. ok. e foam party abit fail.. cos nobody gt high.. nobody wanna play.. so my social com head hv to carry e foam machine around n aim at ppl loh.. hai.. e event ended earlier.. n clearing up was quite fast.. cos when i wan to go ask them to clear up, e com members hv started clearing up n almost done.. i m really tired.. ah.. perhaps long tym didnt organise big grp event.. since last yr church xmas bah.. haha.. hope i can claim back e money soon.. :(

n noe wat.. e 2 female toilets at my lvl r under repairs.. -.- e 1st toilet tt they opened were under repairs when i saw it ytd.. but e newly opened one can use ytd.. jus tt 3 cubicles.. can only use 1.. cos 1 gt a mop inside e toilet bowl.. e other, e cover is closed.. well.. common sense tells u tt if e cover is closed in a public toilet, dun go open it, unless u wan to c disgusting things.. haha.. so i had to go up to 4th floor toilet.. but both r open lah.. ah.. hall abit noisy cos of reno works.. at e lounge.. n toilets too.. yay.. i hv my room to myself tonight.. v quiet.. gd time to spend quiet moments w God.. tml morning too.. tml i think i only hving one tuition.. cos my another tutee tis wk oso v busy.. so i think tis wk i only hving one tuition.. yay! cos i hv more tym to myself.. boo cos less money.. haha.. well.. i guess my 'hol' started earlier.. was expecting to hv tym for myself n God only next wk.. but tis wk hv leh.. haha.. e rm is v quiet now.. no distractions from ppl n tv.. haha.. so seldom tt i can my hostel rm to myself at night. haha.. well.. solitude once in a while is gd.. haha.. to sort things out.. to let one's feelings attempt to strike a balance. haha.. ok.. i dunno wat i m talking le.. i m finishing tis soon..

stupid red ants.. after a sem, i still cnt find e origin of those red ants.. n i hv been killing many red ants everyday.. tt i lost count.. since i move in jiu got e red ants le.. can some1 kill them all for me, once n for all? so i wun hv to keep turning around to kill them every now n then.. n i wun b distracted by them when sem 2 start? so i can concentrate on my studying.. argh.. i dun wan to go back to studying.. hai.. my friends results r out today.. hmm.. i didnt ask them.. cos i noe it's a sensitive topic.. but no news so far.. n i m oso worried bout them. hai.. mine will be out next wk.. hai.. ok.. tym to slp.. bye.. n find food tml.. haha..

hmm.. i think i abit out of mind today.. nt my normal self? haha.. i walked alot today.. haha.. i cancelled my tuiton b4 my meeting.. cos today is his bdae.. i nt so bad.. haha.. n i take it as a break.. haha.. tis wk wun hv tt many tuitions.. cos i nt free oso.. haha..

ok. so i wanted my afternoon to myself today.. i m really in need of quiet time w God.. to talk to God more.. hv been talking more to ppl than to God.. :( so i left home round noon.. n head for hostel.. n noe wat stupid thing i did? i alighted at e wrong bus stop... a stop earlier.. -.- cos need to change bus to go into ntu mah.. i alighted early.. tis one hor.. can alight late.. cos along e str road jus cross e road jiu can take 199 le.. but cnt alight early.. stupid loh.. after 1 sem le.. still can alight wrong stop.. -.- so walk loh.. tis is my first walking of e day.. took bus into sch.. to e north spine area.. to collect my windows 7 package.. n to buy lunch.. hmm.. dun intend to upgrade to windows 7 yet.. c how things go first. haha..

after meeting, spend some more tym in hostel b4 leaving for home.. missed e bus.. heard someone at the bus stop say tt e next bus is in 12 mins.. so i kept a lookout on whether there's internal bus c opp.. if hv, take den mayb can catch e missed bus at another stop.. well.. e bus did come.. but after some tym.. so i took it for a stop.. n decide to walk out of sch.. i guess i m really out of my mind to walk tt stretch of road alone.. though it's nt dark yet. haha.. well.. i took bout 15mins to walk out to e main road.. n i was faster than e 2nd bus (ie e bus tt i m supposed to take if i stayed at e bus stop).. n i saved bout 40cents.. haha.. str away jus take one bus home.. ok.. tt's alot of walking..haha.. dunno wat my brains r thinking today... i guess i wun attempt tt again.. cos tt stretch of road can b quite deserted.. no ppl is one thing.. sometimes no cars too.. haha.. ok.. tml is e hall event.. hope things go well.. no raining.. hmm.. tml is oso my course registration.. hope i can get e courses tt i wan.. n can register my core successfully.. i read e description on my core for next sem.. dun look easy at all.. :( esp linear algebra.. w those subspaces tt i hv absolutely no idea.. n discrete maths.. w those number theory, boolean, spanning trees.. ahhhhhh.. another sem of dying.. my friends r getting their results tml.. i wish them all e best.. how i wish i'll noe mine tgt w them too.. so we can face it tgt.. :(

today's service is more interesting than last wk.. :x.. haha.. well.. perhaps cos i m nt really v into christmas carrolling by choir.. haha.. though i was in a church choir b4.. :x.. haha.. i guess i prefer today's presentation by e worship band.. haha.. perhaps cos i think band more interesting? haha.. of course w some singing too.. haha.. e keyboardist v cool.. haha.. played 2 keyboard at a time.. his left n right gt keyboard.. sometimes use one only, sometimes one hand play one.. so cool lah.. how did he manage to co-ordinate tt? haha.. n they sang songs like love is a wonderful wonderful thing, love story by taylor swift, n some other songs.. n perfect by simple plan.. hmm.. pastor matt did warn e crowd tt perfect sounds emo.. well.. my tears did drop.. cos of e lyrics.. here's e lyrics.. caution.. it's emo-ish.. haha..

Perfect
Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

many of us is seeking for approval.. may b from our own family.. from our friends.. from e society, from our loved ones.. many r seeking to be loved.. a deep sense of need to b loved.. n ppl r looking everywhere.. where do we find love that last? happy endings seem to only occur in shows.. in reality, love isnt that beautiful and perfect.. it has its ugly side too.. wat is love? love is shown on the cross.. love is sacrificial..

went out w nanny to c yt, zy n jx perform sign lang at bugis junction.. wah.. their cca quite united leh.. n quite high.. haha.. we sat down at starbucks to watch their performance.. i was quite late.. :x.. bout 25mins late.. :x.. ok.. i m getting worse.. haha. lucky nanny v patient.. haha.. watched their performance.. quite gd.. haha.. though alot of words i dunno.. haha.. i mean e signing.. haha.. n e funny thing is tt nobody realised i cut my hair when it's so obvious tt its shorter by so much.. haha.. hmm.. i had my hazenut fracuppino.. haha.. finally satisfied my urge for some coffee from either starbucks or coffee bean.. haha.. it has been a long tym since i drank their coffee.. haha.. hmm.. i passed them their xmas gifts.. haha.. n they were all saying sry tt they didnt prepare.. it's ok.. really.. n my xmas gift oso nt v big or wat.. jus a simple gift.. den after tt, went for dinner w nanny.. cos e rest r hving dinner with their cca friends.. haha.. n once again, i throw e decision of where to eat to nanny.. haha.. n we realised tt actually both of us oso dun like to decide.. hahaha.. but he decided in e end.. haha.. yay.. we went to illuma and ate at asian kitchen.. den after we ordered our food, nanny say he wanna go toilet.. but he brought his wallet along w him.. i was thinking it's a bit weird.. haha.. anw, waited v long for him to return.. thot he lost his way or wat.. den wait till e food arrive.. haha.. feels so weird.. one person seated at a table w 2 portions of food infront.. haha.. anw, he returned w a gift!! haha.. i m pleasantly surprised.. haha.. a gift for xmas.. he went down to buy.. haha.. he apologised for like buying now.. den like buy in a rush.. but he feels tt he shld give me a present oso cos i gave him one.. haha.. n he feels better to give b4 xmas.. haha.. he ar.. haha.. nt bad.. i mus say i m impressed n surprised.. haha.. tt he can pull such stunts.. haha.. ok.. srsly, sometimes a bit hard to give me surprises.. haha.. but unplanned surprises tend to surprise me more.. haha.. ok.. dunno wat i saying.. haha.. but actually, really dun need to give me presents back de.. haha.. srsly.. haha..

anw, guess wat he bought me? haha.. a wish flower.. it's a 'plant' tt u hv to plant.. it's some crystal powder n a 'plant'.. tt will grow into flower after a few days.. need to follow e instructions one lah.. haha.. he say he was considering buying me 'believe', 'best wishes' or 'good luck'.. haha.. in e end, he bought 'good luck'.. haha.. cos he oso noe i nt confident of my results.. haha.. so he gave me gd luck.. n was joking tt if i really did well, mus treat him dinner.. cos of his gd luck plant.. lol.. haha.. but hor.. tis will take 13-16 days to grow.. hmm..results will b out on e 30th.. haha.. anw, really thanks.. though i dun think he'll c tis. haha.. but nvm.. i said thanks to him a few tyms le.. haha.. hmm.. nanny oso v gd.. sent me to cck mrt station.. haha. enjoyed talking to nanny.. as usual, i m e talkative one.. haha.. feel as though we r back to pyscho mod again.. haha.. where we attend lect tgt.. haha.. too bad, next sem both of us cnt take pyscho mod.. hopefully, yr 2 sem 1 we both can take.. den gt company for pyscho mod le.. haha.. a random note.. i had upset stomach right after dinner... -.-

it really has been sometimes since we all met up.. after our last paper end on e 1st.. haha.. most hv been busy w own stuff.. meeting up w them n e pleasant surprise hv made my day! haha.. :)

ok.. i still haven gotten my tym alone.. ok.. i wan to fight for tym alone tml morning n early afternoon b4 my hall metting.. hmm.. try to settle some stuff in e morn first.. den go hostel.. hopefully, can get some quiet time.. :)

hai.. dunno y my internet like gt prob.. keep showing e pg 'internet explorer cannot display the page'... -.- n i cant upload pics to fb using e normal way.. e things at e side jus dun pop up.. they only hv e cancel button.. -.- so i hv to use e tradition way of uploading using simple uploader.. -.- haha.. irritating pg.. always cnt display.. -.-

haha.. since e hol started, it's e first tym i slept for bout 11 hrs.. hahaha.. ok.. v pig.. haha.. hmm.. went to lot 1.. when i went to e rooftop garden,i m pleasantly greeted by bubbles! haha.. they hving some sort of bubbles thingy.. so e kids were playing w bubbles.. there r big n small ones.. haha.. n it makes me feels like a kid again.. n make me attempt to catch e bubble w/o bursting it.. of course, i didnt succeed.. haha.. it's a v dreamy atmosphere.. it feels gd to hv e bubbles come ur way.. n u r surrounded by it...

after lot 1, went for tuition.. met sl at yishun mrt.. went to popular to shop w her... b4 gng to her hse tgt.. my tutee haven reach back home.. so i decide to cut hair first.. haha.. her mum keep asking me.. u sure.. haha.. cos i intend to cut bout 2 inches.. haha.. well.. i still nt tt crazy to cut till v short.. haha.. though i think it's quite alot tt i cut le.. anw, i gng to reblonde next wk.. haha.. it'll b my 2nd tym reblonding.. haha.. under 2 circumstances i'll agree to reblonding.. haha... n tis met one of e reason. haha..

ok.. i m quite tired now. haha.. gng out again tml.. haha.. anw, v happy for my nv er n my tutee.. who did quite ok for their n's.. haha.. my tutee.. did better in her combined sci than maths.. haha.. so i shld switch over to teach sci? haha.. no way.. i m sticking to maths...

i think i need to bring jacket out these few days le.. i was freezing on a few occasions.. haha..

ok.. i guessed last night was really e tym to let my emotions jus flow.. so yup.. i m better today! haha.. went on board doulous w cy.. took some photos. it's sad tt they gng to end their ministry.. there r really great offers on board.. n e cds too.. but nt many bks selection though.. as in if we r looking for stuff on christian living, etc.. they hv on health, family, education, cookery, etc.. i bought some tiny cards.. those laminated cards tt can b passed on.. some stickers.. helped my cgl to buy too.. a nice journal n a small note pad.. w verses on each pg.. v cute.. haha.. n bought purpose driven life.. i gt e chinese version. but decide to buy e eng one.. haha.. i oso bought 2 cds! haha.. buy one get one free.. haha.. they r my 3rd n 4th christian cds.. my 1st n 2nd eng christian cds.. haha.. at first we cnt find where e cds r.. den i m abit sad lah.. cos i really wanna get some great cds.. haha.. after getting e bks, we had ice cream.. haha.. cy.. thanks for e treat.. yup. it's cheaper than mac's ice cream cone.. haha..only 50 cents! haha.. den while we walk around in e ship somemore, we saw e cds! wah.. i got excited.. haha.. cos it's buy 1 get one free.. haha.. but i cnt find e 2 songs tt i hv been listening to recently on youtube.. wonderful God by Christ for Nations(which i listened to during my exams period) and Beautiful Saviour.. really wan to hv it in my mp3.. n to listen to it w/o having to keep hitting e replay button.. but nvm.. haha.. e cds i gt is i-worship.. consists of alot of christian songs from various artists.. 2 cds in 1.. so total 4 cds.. n i only paid $12 for it! haha.. total 66 songs. enough for me to listen lo.. haha.. den of course i met my cg mate andrew on board.. he's helping out.. i think it's really cool loh.. to b able to get on board.. work w ppl from different nations n travel tgt as a crew to different nations.. n everyone is gathered tgt serving the same God.. from different nationalities.. cool.. too bad i wun get e chance to go on board for their 6 months thingy..

anw.. after tt, we tried to look for an atm.. w/o knowing where.. we jus talk n walk n walk.. n we arrived at posb.. haha.. after tt, we sat down n chatted a while. enjoyed e chat.. n we left for mrt station.. den a gal approached us to try to sell us some things.. claiming to raise funds for her own studies. to study o lvls.. saying she jus came out of girls home.. trying to work part time to earn her own fees.. cos her family r nt supporting her.. she's under some organisation.. wah.. i m impressed by e qns cy ask.. haha.. well.. i do note e license.. whether they hv those appropriate details.. whether e license is valid nt. all these.. but i dun ask much.. but cy nt only look at e license.. but oso ask whether there's any no tt we can call n check.. how many percent e organisation get out of e sale.. n where's e organisation.. i m impressed. haha.. after tt, we decide to help e gal lah.. n when leaving, cy asked her to study hard.. haha.. ms chua! haha.. den i went for my tuition.. ah.. it's my 4th tuition in 3 days str.. dying.. ok.. cancelling tml one.. haha.. i dun wan to b so workaholic.. haha.. tml day tym belongs to me n myself! give me tym alone w God.. i need it.. so.. do nt disturb.. thank u. haha.. n i agreed w wat cy said in her blog.. :)

went for a 2.5hrs of tuition.. den head to adam road to meet some cg members to plan for xmas party. took 852 from yishun interchange.. it was a 40mins ride.. but it seems like a ride down memory lane.. it travelled along a str road, past khatib n yck mrt.. passing by bottle tree park n lower seletar reservoir.. bringing back memories of gng to those places w my cca ppl to rackee.. den it reaches yck.. my previous church.. n as it cont on to amk.. it was e path tt i used to walk.. many memories flooded back.. when e bus past by macritche.. i had a glimpse at it.. i think quite nice leh now.. cos i think e car park is ready le.. macritche is full of memories too.. when i alighted from e bus.. i thot to myself.. y memories tt used to b so beautiful can become painful memories tt bring tears to e eyes? i alighted opp s'pore Bible college.. n walked to adam food centre.. ah.. tt place holds memories too.. had prawn noodles.. though i m quite full.. but their prawn noodles is nice.. though abit ex.. nt worth e money.. 4 bucks.. n nt full de... den went to island creamery for ice cream!! haha.. i had brownie n a bit of mud pie last tym i went there.. n nutella n honey milk tea ice cream.. tis tym i jus eat e mudpie.. haha.. but i think i prefer cookie n cream ice cream than choco.. so i prefer e bottom layer of e mudpie. haha.. after discussion of e party, b4 leaving, i decided to pamper myself again by buying a tub of nutella ice cream home.. haha..

on e way home, along bukit timah road, there was a serious accident involving a car n a silvercab.. both ended up in e middle drain.. quite serious.. n my bus stop at e bus-stop near it.. so i got to look at e wreckage for quite some tym.. many ppl were on e side of e road.. n i saw a guy climbed out from e passenger seat of e cab.. e other car was in a worse condition.. n e middle dividers were crooked.. i think e accident jus took place.. cos ambulances all these haven arrive.. n a man was seated on e ground next to e bus stop.. he seems to b in a daze n ppl were talking to him, i think trying to calm him.. dunno whether he's e driver of which car.. i think e driver of e car may hv prob getting out.. e cab was half in e drain.. i didnt see e wreckage initially cos i was back-facing it.. but my cgl, was facing it.. she saw it n told us.. we 3 gals were like speechless.. as our bus cont to move on, we saw e arrival of e red rihno (dunno sp), ambulance n small fire engine.. it's really scary.. even after our bus moved on.. we still feel e grip of fear.. n we were talking bout how unpredictable life is n how we ought to give thanks for jus being alive.. it's like we will think tt we r still young.. 19 yrs old.. still hv a long way ahead.. tt's wat ppl always tell us.. u hv a bright future or still a long way.. still young, etc.. but there r many instances of ppl our age or younger collapsing and dying the next min.. sometimes, u dun need to b in a car.. u can jus b standing at a bus stop waiting for bus.. i mean.. life is really fragile.. n i can say tt jus by looking at e wreckage, i m a bit shaken.. if i were to witness e accident, it'll b much worse.. hope i dun get nightmare tonight.. accidents r really scary.. there's an unspoken fear in me.. tt i cant describe.. another cg mate was saying.. it's scary.. esp like u will b worried if ur friend is in it or nt.. we dunno when we will come to e end of our life.. we dunno how our life is gng to end.. we may think tt it's still a long way to go.. but we really dunno.. do u noe where u r headed to after death? do u fear death? r u ready to leave tis world anytime? ppl always talk bout living each day as though it's ur last day.. tt's e most ideal thing isnt it.. ppl always ask wat would u do if today is ur last day.. n den cont on w.. y nt do it now? y mus wait till ur last day? n u will nt noe when tt day is.. but we always take a back seat.. take things for granted.. gng thru each day as if we gt plently of days to spend.. n how is it like to live each day as ur last.. i dunno.. i mean like u will wan to apologise to some ppl.. reconcile with some ppl... speak ur mind on smth.. try things u always wanted to try.. pamper urself w some stuff, etc.. i dunno.. but i noe i aint ready to ans to God yet..

tml meeting cy! haha.. asked her along to go w me to Doulos.. ah.. ok.. Doulos is a Christian ship tt goes around e world. ministering.. but it's a v old ship le.. they stopping it end of tis month.. terminating it's service.. hai.. so s'pore is e last port of call.. n e bks on ship n those christian stuff will b selling quite cheap.. i heard cd buy 1 get one free.. i did went on board i think 2 yrs back n bought a bk.. aw.. abit sad.. n a pity.. hope to get some gd stuff tml.. n hope there wun b too big a crowd..
y m i torturing myself? ah! i shld stop re-reading smth.. n i shld jus stop those memories.. move on.. come on.. u no longer belong there.. u shld b focusing on where u r now.. tym dun turn back.. things will nv b like e past..food doesnt help.. the more beautiful e memories r, e more painful it may become....

Thank You Lord
Thank you Lord for the trials that come my way,
In that way I can grow each day as I let You lead.
And thank You, Lord, for the patience those trials bring,
In that process of growing I can learn to care.

But it goes against the way I am, to put my human nature down,
And let the Spirit take control of all I do.
For when those trials come, my human nature shouts the things to do; And God's soft prompting can be easily ignored.
I thank You Lord with each trial I feel inside,
That You're there to help lead and guide me away from wrong.
'Cause You promised Lord that with every testing, that Your way of escaping is easier to bear.

But it goes against the way I am to put my human nature down,
And let the Spirit take control of all I do.
For when those trials come, my human nature shouts the thing to do;
And God's soft prompting can be easily ignored.
I thank You Lord for the victory that growing brings,
In surrender of everything life is so worthwhile.
And I thank You Lord that when everything's put in place,
Out in front I can see Your face, and it's there You belong

感谢主，在试炼中
感谢主，为面前一切磨难。
藉着它我不断成长，因我认定祢。
哦感谢主，磨难教导我忍耐。
在信靠中成长，我愿顺服主。
救主，我恳求祢扶助我，让我完全降服祢脚前，
让圣灵掌管我全人和全心。
哦，我恳求祢扶助我，让我完全降服祢脚前，
磨难中细听主声，紧紧依靠主。

sang e chinese version in my previous church last tym.. cy jus shared e eng version w me. it's really a nice song tt will bring tears to my eyes when i sing it.. meaningful lyrics.. nice melody.. here's e url for e eng version..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qirXlU7lQXA

Labels: Songs: Thank You Lord

i was set thinking wat i wan out of a relationship.. i mean well.. we have our expectations n criterias of e other half.. but when one enter into a relationship, wat do we expect from it? wat do we expect to get from it? lots of love? care n concern? sense of security? assurance? pampering? support? giving in? n to wat extent is wat u expecting reasonable?

i dunno whether anyone gets wat i m trying to say.. haha.. but oh well.. i m staying away till i hv figured out n is clear of wat i wan. haha.. n to wat extent is it reasonable.. nt asking for e impossible tt can only b n shld b found in God.. n tt setting an expectation tt is too high..

Labels: relationships

i think i may hv mentioned tis somewhere in my previous post.. tt i cant b in control of many things in life.. i cant turn back time.. i cant control how things will turn out.. but what i can do on my part is to treasure every moment, giving thanks for wat i HAVE n make e most out of every moment.. yup.. no pt being unhappy bout things tt i wan or do nt hv n miss out on wat i already hv.. n den sometime down e road, look back n start regretting again for nt treasuring wat i hv now.. well.. sometimes things can really change v fast.. so treasure it b4 it's gone like e wind..

2 tuitions today.. my 2nd tutee made me wait for 1hr 10mins.. -.- n e 2hrs tuition became 50mins.. but while waiting, i was looking around at e popular at yishun.. i love it.. haha.. cos gt alot of cute things!! haha.. i saw cute files n notebooks.. haha.. lucky i dun hv my last 20% coupon w me today.. haha.. i wun buy e notebks.. cos i hv alot.. haha. files i oso hv a lot.. haha.. but looking at e cute things will bring a smile onto my face.. haha.. ok.. v childish.. haha.. well..

anw, i decided nt to pamper myself w food today to save some money.. cant believe tt i spent $30 on transportation in just a week! ah.. haha.. but God is so good.. haha.. i was treated to one of my fav desert in e past.. bo bo cha cha.. when i reached aunty's hse.. haha.. she cooked herself de.. yumyum.. one big bowl.. haha.. den b4 i left for e 2nd tuition, i got another bowl of veg soup w fishball n e dunno wat.. haha.. so i m bloated w water. haha.. yummy.. haha.. my mood took a turn for e better after i left my first tuition.. cos of e food which led to e thot in e 1st para.. :)

ah.. trying to find food caterer.. budget too low le lah.. it's next tue leh.. die.. all e food looking is making me hungry..

i noe e photos r really bad n lousy.. i hv said it.. so pls stop telling me tt again..

simple things hoped for yet hard to realise it.

just when u thinks things ended well, u discover that it isnt the case.

n lvl results coming out tis fri..

losing confident and hope

time cant turn back, things aint the same

in wat position m i to advise n say others when i cant walk my talk?

finally touched my guitar again..

beware.. steer clear..

We are the reason
As little children we would dream of Christmas morn
Of all the gifts and toys we knew we'd find
But we never realized a baby born one blessed night
Gave us the greatest gift of our lives

*We were the reason that He gave His life
We were the reason that He suffered and died
To a world that was lost He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live

As the years went by we learned more about gifts
The giving of ourselves and what that means
On a dark and cloudy day a man hung crying in the rain
All because of love
All because of love

*Chorus

I finally found the reason for living
It's in giving every part of my heart to Him (every part to Him)
And all that I do every word that I say (you know I'll be saying)
I'll be giving my all just for Him, for Him (every thing for Him)

We are the reason that He gave His life
We are the reason that He suffered and died
To a world that was lost He gave all He could give (all that he could give all)
To show us the reason to live

He is the reason to live
(don't you know do you know the reason
that he came, oh he came to save us
when he gave his life for us) he suffered and died
To a world that was lost He gave everything (everything that He had He gave)
To show us the reason to live

Labels: Songs: We are the reason

dear mp3.. pls stop throwing a tantrum n start working normally again..

yay.. finally got it to work again, hopefully.. after repeated attempts..

ok.. my day didnt start off v v gd.. gt up round 1030am after half an hr of lazing around in bed.. i was thinking i m only left w a few cards to write.. shld b able to finish it plus pack e last few gifts n do e ham n cheese n leave home by 1245.. well.. i was wrong... cos at round 11.30am.. i hv finished e cards but realised tt e tissue i used to wrap e glass sticks to e words! i used tissue to wrap it cos it's sticking to e paper bag i putting it into.. so i searched my hse for plastic cling.. cnt find.. den wait for dad to come back from market.. intend to rush to market to buy den come back to wrap e glass w it.. den dad says he hv e cling.. so i tried to wrap it.. stupid cling was clingy.. keep sticking tgt.. yet dun stick when u wan it to stick.. -.- didnt manage to wrap e glass nicely.. so guess using it to transport e glass only.. after tt they can take it out.. by e tym i manage to finish taking out all e tissue n wrap e glass in cling, it was almost 1.30pm.. n i m supposed to meet cy n dan at city hall at 1.30pm.. -.-

i rushed out of hse.. hoping tt i gt everything.. afraid tt i missed out things.. n on my way to e lrt station, dan called.. so i was trying to balance e 2 heavy bags on one hand, holding phone n mp3 w e other n walking fast to lrt station.. haha.. i missed e lrt.. which led to me missing e mrt at cck station, thus need to wait for 6mins.. it's doesnt help w e fact tt i m already late.. n at jurong east, i missed e train again.. another 6 mins.. n noe wat? my mp3 decided to throw a tantrum.. thus it was nt working e whole day.. n tis make me kind of moody.. i m v reliant on my mp3 when i travel.. sometimes even short distance.. so being unable to listen to it can make me quite moody.. hai.. n i dun hv any bks with me today.. n i forgot to bring two, three things.. -.- hai.. e stuff i carried was heavy..

reached city hall bout 1 hr late.. called dan n cy.. they were at suntec.. near carrefour.. which is e end of suntec! ah.. carrying e heavy bags, i tried to walk fast to suntec to meet them.. it's a long road thru city link n suntec! was sweating n tired n a bit breathless when i finally met them.. met them at donut factory.. while sorting e presents.. i managed to get an orea white choco donut.. as my breakfast n lunch.. haha.. den went to get e cake.. den we were lazy to walk back to e mrt station w all e stuff.. each of us were carrying at least a bag then. haha.. me: mic n jy presents n xmas gifts.. dan: emily present n e cake.. cy: nic presents.. haha.. n w our own bags.. haha.. n e taxi stand is nearer.. so we cab to marina bay station to meet e rest.. but due to road works.. e taxi driver dunno where's e road to e mrt station le.. so make one round.. den drop us off opp e bus stop to marina barrage.. in e end, we still hv to walk to station.. but after alighting from e cab, dan helped me w a bag of e present.. so nt tt heavy le.. haha.. lucky we met e rest b4 we reach e station.. haha.. den we walked back to e bus stop to wait for e bus.. waited v long.. 400 came first.. so we took 400.. while waiting, many heavy vehicles past by us.. carrying 'sand storm' over us.. i felt a gust of sand swept past my feet.. -.-

ok.. reaching marina barrage, we head to e top floor.. find a nice spot.. it was kind of crowded.. many kites in e sky! haha.. abit cloudy too.. we started w bdae celebration.. cos scare cake melt.. haha.. it was windy. so we had prob trying to light e candles.. n dan gt burnt by e lighter.. n i tried to take e candle to like e other candles.. n e lighter tt dan was holding touched me too.. e metal part was hot.. haha.. i ouched.. haha.. den e bdae ppl go run away.. n poor cy, dan n me tried to block e candles so tt e candles wun blow out.. haha.. but e cake was yummy! haha.. it's bitter sweet choco top.. n choco sponge cake.. haha.. den after eating e cake, we hv e party hats, etc.. haha.. den present presentation.. after tt, it looks like it's threatening to rain.. so we pack our stuff n head indoors.. we went to 2nd floor.. found an area n sat down.. n bring out our food again! haha.. soon after, it was heavy downpour.. soon.. we were all v full again.. as usual. haha.. den we started playing blackjack.. we lost, need to eat e nuggets.. haha.. to help clear e food.. den after finish playing, it was bout 6pm.. we took some grp pics n jump shots b4 leaving for marina sq to meet sel.. n nic hv to leave earlier.. oh ya.. ppl who went marina barrage today r nic, mic, jy, emily, dan, cy, lyn n me.. 8 of us.

found sel at mac at marina sq.. den we head to breeks for dinner.. but all of us r still v full.. we didnt ex much.. didnt manage to play e stuff we brought cos of rain.. so all of us ate quite little.. 7 of us shared a main course.. except sel.. e place was empty when we entered.. haha.. as usual.. we were laughing n hving talking bout anything n everything.. haha.. but we had prob finishing e little amt of food we ordered.. haha.. n sel brought a cheesecake tt she made herself too! it's yummy.. haha.. well.. we managed to stay at breeks for bout 2.5hrs.. haha.. laughing all e way thru.. haha.. after tt, we went home..

it's a tiring day.. prob cos of e rushing here n there.. all e laughter, etc.. but at e end of e day, it's worth it when u noe tt e ppl u r doing tis for r happy n appreciate it.. e ya.. tired cos of laughing is a gd thing too.. haha.. v happy tt they like e presents n enjoyed themselves today..

though i m abit disappointed w e turnout.. n unhappy w myself for nt being able to give things my best.. n nt v happy w how my xmas gifts turn out.. n how things became so rush.. but.. oh well..

i really thank God for putting these wonderful ppl in my life.. bringing many laughter to me esp when tis isnt a gd yr to start off w.. barker is one of e greatest blessings in my life.. n one of my greatest joy.. do stay tgt n keep e barker spirit burning.. even to decades down e road.. thanks every1 for making today possible..

hmm.. i think i m getting lazy to take photos n to upload n to tag them.. so e photos i took today is greatly less than wat i normally take.. n ya.. alot of blurred photos.. cant take pics well today.. :( sry..

Labels: Barker

haha.. in hall now.. will type a quick post b4 i leave for home! haha.. ok.. 2 things i m happy when i m back at hall today.. n 1 thing i m nt happy.. haha.. happy things first.. haha.. e 2nd female toilet at my lvl is ready for use! haha.. 2nd thing is tt they finally changed e tainted mirror to clear mirror after a sem! haha.. nt happy is tt my block lounge is under reno now.. so cnt watch tv when i m back.. b4 coming back today, went to jp to do some shopping.. i had bout 1hr on hand.. yet tt was insufficient n i end up doing a rush shopping at pop again.. hai.. but yay.. i managed to satisfy one of my yearn today.. tt is to eat mcflurry mudpie.. haha.. orea de still e best. haha.. n shopping at jurong pt, i had to develop pics, den go buy e dustcleaner mop for my hostel.. den go ntuc to buy choco.. haha.. i bought malteses.. yay.. haha.. my roomie's bag of it has been tempting me b4 sem ends.. haha.. n e ntuc at my hse there is so lousy tt they only hv limited varieties of choco.. n tis nt included.. haha... after which, i went to popular.. as usual, super long queue.. dun understand y when it's a weekday afternoon.. hai.. spent bout 15mins queuing.. 3 counters open.. -.- i think a bit wasted.. cos i use e 20% for 2 pens only.. wahahaha.. anw, i oso dun need 3 so many.. so e 3rd one still can b saved for some last min shopping of stuffs.. came back in tym for meeting.. if e bus had come any later, i'll b late.. k.. i grabbing some things home.. haha.. say bye to my hostel n cya next mon.. haha.. i'll b staying a night most prob next tue.. haha.. i miss my pillow here.. lol.. ok.. human beings r weird.. oh well.. i guess i prefer to b out of sch, still.. haha.. n though it's hol, i m only eating my mum's cooking like once or twice a wk.. lol.. wat's e difference from sch days? hmmm.. but i get more home-cooked food.. including my aunty's cooking.. haha.. ah.. pls dun fall sick.. i m here to bring my thermometer home too.. haha.. bye.. things to rush tonight.. -.- dun like rushing for it.. jus hope quality wun b compromised.. -.-

it's a long day.. haha.. n i m pretty tired at e end n was dozing off during e bus ride home..

went to woodlands centre for xmas service today..
John 3:16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him, should not perish, but have eternal life.

God alone can meet e deepest need in us..
e need for salvation .. only He can redeem us from our sins.. even e deepest need to be loved.. only He can meet that deepest need.. with His unconditional love and everlasting love. Love that no human love can come close to. Love tt is perfect. Just as e heart is created by Him, only He can fills tt void in it.

God alone can make e greatest change in us.
He is able to transform us beyond wat we can imagined.. even a person who seems impossible to change.. even e hardest hard, can b melt by Him.. even a bad habit tt sticks w us for almost half of our life, He can change..

hmm.. went to causeway pt to shop awhile at e popular.. disappointed.. haha.. nt many things tt i wan.. n stuff r quite messy at e pop kids area.. haha.. so i ended nt spending my 2nd 20% voucher there.. will spend it at jp pop tml.. haha.. den head over to ps to meet cy n dan.. haha.. left ps round 6pm.. wanted to buy light cheesecake from breadtalk.. it has been sometym since i bought from breadtalk.. i think last tym was b4 sch starts.. 1 sem le.. haha.. n i wanted to try e mcflurry mudpie.. but in e end, i didnt manage to do both.. haha.. mac was too crowded.. no place.. n long queue.. so we ended up eating at ice monster.. e durian n mango thingy is nice! durian taste awesome! haha.. den cheesecake. cos i was carrying stuff.. n it's a bit heavy, reckon i wun buy it.. in case i dun get a seat on e bus n it's a long way back.. haha.. think i'll get one to eat b4 sem 2 start.. haha.. ok.. srsly, i feel like pampering myself w food.. :(

took a nap after dinner.. quite tired.. was hving a slight slight headache on e way back.. but e clouds were pretty today!! too bad didnt get to take it though i hv my cam w me. :( haha..

ok.. i think i m getting a bit inefficient in doing stuffs.. hai.. guess cos my attention is diversified in many areas.. 4 main areas i'll say.. n i m getting slow in getting some stuff done.. hai.. perhaps nt so much interest or committeement? i dunno.. anyway, diversification of attention may jus b an excuses.. ah.. wateva.. quick get things done..

Labels: sermons

jus watched a show on ch 8, called 'Sorry, teacher'.. it shows how a teacher dun give up on her students.. n even though she has terminal illness, she delayed her operation cos she wan to c her students thru e yr.. thus pushing treatment till dec hol.. it shows how she believe in her students.. n during her last lesson w them, she wrote tis words on e whiteboard.. 老师爱你们.. n at e end, she died while trying to save her students from an accident.. tis is a v summarised version.. so dun really show how touching it is.. haha..

well.. some ppl may say tt tis dun happen in real life.. but i believe tt there r such teachers who give their all for their students.. perhaps cos teaching is where i m really headed now.. i watch such shows w a different feeling.. like being more able to put myself in tt shoe.. n feel more.. though students may nt understand at times n may even hate u.. but hopefully, they will noe in e end tt all we did is for e gd of them.. tis show is w pri sch kids.. nt v applicable to me.. haha.. but still.. it's bout e love of a teacher for her students.. e show ended w a meaningful quote.. but too fast n too long for me to type it down.. -.- haha.. ok.. tym to go slp.. bye..

hmm.. where shld i start writing from? haha.. for a record, i was nt online for 24hrs.. haha.. hmm.. like i overseas like tis.. haha.. well.. was out since 12 ytd.. for 2 tuition slots.. cut down one to 1.5hr.. haha.. had dinner at aunty's hse.. yay! got ngoi hiang.. jus when i was talking bout it in my previous post.. haha.. yay.. haha.. aunty make herself de loh.. haha.. e kids ar.. dunno how to appreciate.. they r always fed w gd food. till they dunno how to b thankful for it.. taking things for granted.. e ngoi hiang so nice.. yet e youngest one dun wan to eat.. i was like surprised lah. but oh well.. guess they get to eat it quite often as compared to me.. so mayb sian le?? but gd food where will sian.. somemore it's nt everyday eat leh.. everyday eat mayb sian lah.. but my aunty dun repeat wat she cooks so often as my mum.. :P haha.. cos she gt more varieties to cook mah.. e veg soup v nice too.. haha..

after e 2 tuition slots, went back to jc for movie marathon.. w dex, eug, jl n ht.. hmm.. jus found out tt some of e guys gt their license le.. haha.. i v slow.. haha.. eh.. turnout nt v gd.. haha.. shows r showing concurrently in lt 1 n 2.. n like e past, phone reception is poor in LT.. haha.. to send out a sms, i hv to try dunno how many times. haha.. hmm.. nt many ppl from my batch.. dun c much familar faces.. first movies were Love Actually and Letters from Iwo Jima.. was watching love actually.. but there were disturbing scenes.. n dunno wat's gng on.. so switched over to letters from iwo jima.. hmm.. it's bout war between america n japan.. so all e shooting, etc.. long movie.. 2hrs plus.. started round 9pm.. ended near 12mn.. hmm.. although cant c clearly who is who.. but oh well. jus shooting here n there.. committing sucide cos e island falling into e ends of america.. den fighting with honour for e country.. haha.. so our class guys come out n were asking.. so r u ready to go for war now?n saying how impt their unit is.. supplying logistics etc.. e show was in jap w eng subtitles.. srsly.. i dun understand y english shows mus use vulgar words.. i think my stand on movies r still a little controversial.. nt v comfortable w vulgar words n R scenes.. den it was some supper n e 2nd movie was e movie i wanted to watch.. P.S i love you. hmm.. it's from a bk.. i think genarally.. movies made from books r nt bad.. haha.. well.. story line goes tt a woman lost her husband when she turns 30 due to brain tumour.. how she is having a hard tym trying to cope w e loss.. n den started receiving letters from her late husband.. telling her to follow e instructions on e letter.. like gng out to party, gng for a hol.. etc.. e letters lasted for a yr.. n while doing those stuff mentioned in e letter, she's reminded of her late husband more.. n at a pt, she was angry.. cos these recallings r making it harder for her to get over e loss... it's really nice of e husband to plan all these during his last stage of life.. n oh well.. my class guys find it boring n a gal show.. -.- haha.. but i oso dunno wat shows i like.. well.. i guess nice shows loh.. haha.. like UP, wall-e, etc.. hmm.. meaningful one oso bah.. den e 3rd movie, we didnt watch.. haha.. we went on a 'night walk' around sch.. quite dark. haha.. jl was leading us for it.. haha.. well.. it's kind of a comfortable thing for us, councillors.. w 2 night walks in sch.. haha.. den we were at e open area at lvl 4.. look up n saw many stars!!! nice! haha.. cos seldom on mainland, u can look up to e sky n str away c many stars, w/o e need to stare v long.. haha.. den we proceed to grandstand.. sit down there.. facing e tracks.. where we sat after pe lessons n once till 8plus to chit chat.. den dex left early.. round 3plus.. he drove here.. -.- den we cont talking n den went to concourse area round 4plus.. e guys borrowed e game 'guess who' while i managed to catch a few mins slp.. i think quite short.. haha. den went in round 5am to watch Wall-E.. i watch b4 le.. but my friends wanna watch.. so watch w them loh.. it ended round 6plus.. den we didnt stay for e last movie.. so we went off. i accompanioned ht to wait for her bus at e bus stop.. while e guys head to lot 1 for breakfast.. den after which, i went home.. reached home round 6.40am.. den went to catch some slp. cos i supposed to meet my cell grp members at king albert park mac.. at 9.30am.. haha..

hmm.. i overslept.. haha.. cos i only set 2 alarms on my hp.. in my daze, i think i pressed e off button instead of snooze.. haha.. n ya.. after e 2nd movie, i walked out of e lt, unable to walk str.. lol.. haha.. i think hor.. though i m still young. can taunt.. but hor.. i think in a few yrs tym.. 5 or 10, cnt lo.. haha. n it's nt gd for health.. though i think uni has trained me well to stay up till 5plus a few times n feeling fresh at 5plus.. haha.. well.. 5 plus occurred like 3 times in e past 2 wks.. haha..

so i woke up at 9.20am..-.- when i m supposed to reach kap mac at 9.30am.. haha.. oh well.. i got ready soon n got out of hse round 9.30am.. haha.. den downstairs my block, i met tis old aunty.. den she ask me in hokkien how to go to blk 123.. den i had prob telling her e direction in hokkien.. haha.. so i told her in hokkien, nvm, i bring u there.. haha.. thruout we were conversing in hokkien.. she quite old.. 70, 80+ bah.. den she was asking me whether i rushing off to somewhere nt.. n saying she's gng for a haircut.. saying some tym didnt come.. forget how to go.. den say she had a fall.. so need to keep her hair short.. say cut here cheaper.. but hor.. i shld bring her by another way.. cos e way i bring her gt bout 6 steps of stairs.. den she gt trouble gng down e stairs.. even walking.. she's walking v slowly.. w e help of an umbrella as walking stick.. so i offered my hand lah.. hmm.. actually my palm.. haha.. i oso dunno to offer which part of my hand.. haha.. cos seldom get e chance to like help old ppl.. esp like aiding them in walking.. reason being.. hmm.. they didnt ask for my help.. hmm.. didnt c any tt really needs help.. n hmm.. need courage to approach them to offer to help. haha.. so she took my hand n held my hand tightly.. even after finishing e steps.. all e way to block 123.. haha.. i feel like a grand-daughter holding e hand of grand-ma.. i think i gt some stares from some passer-bys.. but dun care.. i was nt looking at them.. i was looking at my own pace.. cos i srsly need to follow her pace.. so nt used. haha.. so i had to take super tiny steps.. slowly.. yea.. really had prob communicating w her in hokkien.. i can understand wat she says.. but i cant converse well in hokkien. haha.. esp tis type of real life situation.. at home can randomly joke around lah.. haha.. my pronounciation can b wrong de.. haha.. n it may mean a different thing in e end.. haha.. so i m abit worried tt i pronounce wrongly.. den may offend ppl w e wrong meaning of e wrongly pronounced word.. haha.. my hokkien always get laughed at by my dad. haha.. when reached tt blk.. i asked her whether she noe e door no nt.. i had to repeat myself twice.. n i m so unsure tt i pronounced door no correctly.. den in e end, she ask house door no ar? i say ya.. she say she dunno.. she only noe e blk n e storey.. i told her gt 2 lifts.. (cos lift upgrading.. now every floor hv lift).. but she dunno.. so i brought her to e old lift loh.. e central lift.. i didnt follow her up.. cos i m quite late.. haha.. but i feel like i only helped her half way leh.. shld follow her till she found tt place.. hai.. den i rushed back to e bus stop.. it was like 9.50am den.. in e end, i reached e mac bout 1hr late.. haha.. i overshot e bus-stop.. thot after e bend, e bus stop will b near.. but it was further down.. shld hv alighted earlier.. well.. i nt v familar w tt place.. haha.. n i cant find e entrance.. -.- so i walked one big round.. had mac breakfast.. had breakfast fellowship loh.. actually suppose to plan for xmas party. but too few ppl turned up.. so shld b meeting on mon night for dinner to discuss again.. shld b at jp.. haha.. i dun mind.. i shld b gng from hall meeting.. so jp is near. haha.. den after breakfast, i left.. didnt join them for lunch.. so i got home round 12plus.. n slept e whole afternoon away.. haha.. i need my slp.. haha.. my voice is changing again.. haha.. cos of lack of slp.. ok.. tis is smth tt i realised when i dun get enough slp. haha.. i'll start to lose my voice a little. haha.. didnt go out in e evening. guess i need some tym to rest.. n for my own.. since nxt wk i m gng to b busy again.. -.- ok.. hard to 'book' me now.. sry.. to those who hv asked.. hmm.. i try lah..

i guess i'll teach one of my tutee tuition 3 times a wk. for 2 wks bah.. jus did out a rough budget spendings for dec n some part of jan n was surprised at e high expenses.. some of which i forgot to take into acc. but was reminded.. haha.. like e annual tv license n property tax tt i hv my share to pay.. :x haha.. n a sudden pop up issue.. tt i feel i shld contribute my part to help my mum.. though she jus rejected tt.. saying i hv my share to pay for e property tax n tv license.. haha.. well.. i still hv my ways of passing her money.. even if she reject.. :x.. haha.. it's a huge amt of money tt i need.. so ya.. guess if possible, i teach more tuition loh.. haha.. aiyo.. everyday go out.. tptation cost v high.. :x

eating a weird combi of dinner now.. suppose to eat sliced fish soup w rice.. but dad say e person say nt enough rice.. so add some chu mi fen in too.. so it's half rice n half noodles.. haha..

too much things to handle? hmm.. y did i bring so many things to handle to myself? i feel like i m falling sick.. i dunno.. but i still need go tml night right? hai..

ok.. i went out w cy to plaza sing jus now.. yay.. mission almost accomplished.. but still gt quite some way to go.. haha.. v tired.. we had a fun tym though.. n can say settle some things quite fast.. haha.. n we walked to bras baseh complex.. ah.. art friend hv a lot of nice stuff.. it's v big loh.. hai.. no tym to walk pop @ central n art friend.. hai.. too tired.. haha.. i carried my laptop again. i think my tis laptop go out more often than my previous laptop.. mayb cos it's lighter.. haha.. hmm.. i still hv 2 20% discounts to use.. will save one to near end of tis month to buy any last min stationaries tt i need.. guess tt will b spent at jurong pt pop again.. one more.. hmm.. depends.. pop@ central? hmm.. dunno.. if i hv tym during hol, mayb i'll go back to bras baseh again.. ok.. once again.. i wan a free day where i can nuan at home.. haha.. so far.. next thur seems like there's a glimpse of hope.. i dunno.. but i think things will pop up again.. haha.. hmm.. so far, i hv been out everyday.. transportation v ex.. i recalled topping up $10 nt long ago.. haha.. den ytd, no more money in ez-link.. suan le... top up $30 at a go.. haha.. though i hv 3 ez-link cards w me.. :P haha.. hol dun pass so fast.. i still wanna enjoy myself de.. ah.. tml 2 tuitions.. can i survive? if it's 2 hrs each.. aiyo.. i hv 3 popular places tt i can spend e 2nd 20% voucher.. where shld i spend it? yishun, woodlands or bras baseh? aiyo.. dunno.. mayb 3rd one wun spend in jp.. c first. haha..

flipping thru e pop catalogue.. i was tempted to buy those cute merchandise.. those pop kids de.. haha.. ah.. my shopping at popular is nt complete. haha.. n i jus realised tt for 3 consecutive posts.. i hv started w 'ok'.. haha.. n well.. dun b misunderstood.. i m still enjoying my hol.. though busy.. though i keep complaining tt i wan more tym for myself.. but.. it's still way better than during sch term.. haha.. even if it's more packed w activities, it's still way better.. :) n ya.. i'll squeeze out tym for myself.. to take a slower pace of life.. quieter.. i need it b4 sem start..

ok.. there's one thing tt makes me fail to b an auntie.. haha.. tt is to bargain.. haha.. i jus bought like 20 of e same items from market.. yet i did nt bargain.. haha.. i jus feel weird bargaining.. haha.. some ppl will find bargaining is wat makes shopping fun.. i dunno.. haha.. mayb it's a gd skill to pick up as it will help u save more money.. but i jus feel weird.. tt's y i often end up nt bargaining.. haha..

ok.. i didnt get to follow my plan.. haha.. left home late.. so no tym to shop b4 meeting.. reached hostel early.. so i start packing a bit of my table.. haha.. clear e notes.. wrote my roomie a bdae card n left e present n her card on her table. haha.. went for meeting.. n after meeting, went back to my room to send out an email.. den head for jurong pt.. collect my cataloge.. haha.. so late den collect.. haha.. yay.. gt 3 20% discount voucher.. haha.. nt much tym to shop.. cos it was 6plus.. so grabbed e things tt i need.. n assessment bks for my tutee jiu go queue up lo.. long queue.. as usual.. hai.. hmm.. i think jurong pt e popular alot of things to shop.. though a bit messy.. haha.. i shall b back for 2nd round of shopping! haha.. either there or e bras baseh complex de.. haha.. pop at central..

yay.. i went on a pen-buying sphree.. haha.. bought 11 pilot super gel pen!! haha.. 5 blue de.. 3 purple.. 2 light blue.. n 1 pink.. haha.. 5 blue shld last me for e whole of next sem.. while i like e purple n e light blue.. new de. haha.. v nice.. haha.. i shall use it to write cards n mayb to do notes or hw or wat.. c first.. c mood.. haha.. wah.. i v happy.. haha.. well.. tis is e cheapest pilot ink pen.. haha.. den i was quite tempted to buy famous amos cookie.. haha. long ago jiu think of buying le.. esp now if use e flash play card got promotion.. haha.. well.. famous amos was my fav cookie b4 e recent switch to subway.. haha.. subway cheaper.. haha.. den went to buy prima deli waffle b4 leaving for tuition..haha.. reached tuition at 9pm.. 2 hrs tuition.. end at 11pm.. haha.. den my friend ask me to help her kill a spider.. haha.. so i help her kill it using e slipper n pick up e remains using a tissue loh.. she was shocked.. haha.. tt i m nt scared. haha.. i say live in hostel such things r common de.. haha.. n i always kill them. haha.. den i ask her.. some tym didnt c me, i change le hor. haha.. well.. spider ok lah.. nt v big.. haha.. nt as big as those we seen during obs. haha.. other things tt i m afraid of.. pls dun ask me to kill.. i'll siam it first. haha..

hai.. i heard some news tt makes me a bit sad.. but there's nth much tt i can do.. i cant do much when i m there.. how much more little things i can do when i m nt there.. hai.. i m in no position to comment or say much..

was looking thru obs photos tis afternoon.. brought back fond memories.. :)

in any case, i m happy cos i bought new pens! n pens colour tt i like! haha.. cant wait to use them.. haha.. ok.. i think i like small kid.. haha..

gng back to hostel for meeting ltr.. n i m gng to popular to shop!!! hahaha.. hmm.. nt many things to buy though.. haha.. in any case, i'll shop at e popular at jurong pt.. it's big.. haha.. though cnt compare to tt one at bras baseh complex lah. haha. but sufficient for me to get e things i wan.. haha.. thot of gng popular after my meeting b4 i head off for tuition.. but now meeting tym change to 4pm.. i think i buy first den go back to hostel.. den after meeting can go str for tuition.. if nt tuition will start v late.

ah.. i need more tym to rush out things.. haha.. but i seem to hv not much tym for myself.. -.- ok.. so far next mon seems e only day free.. ok.. it's reserved to do presents.. i need it done by next tue! ah.. haha.. but it oso mus depend on whether i hv any hall meeting nt.. -.-

ok.. my surgeon v powerful.. haha.. took out all 15 stitches today.. haha.. e other doc any-o-how say.. say 1 appt 1 stitch.. -.- haha.. e next appt.. 4 months tym.. yay. haha.. but now.. it feels uncomfortable.. :( hai..

anw, started my first tuition after nearly 2 months break.. haha.. n it's 2 hrs.. -.- haha.. ok.. i think i hv to train myself to b able to take 2 hrs n more lessons.. haha.. cos after 1 hr, i already cnt concentrate alot le.. haha.. n i m gonna hv days where i'll hv 2 2hrs tuition.. haha.. dunno how.. haha..

n i feel so blessed.. haha.. called auntie to tell her i gng over her place for dinner.. (cos giving tuition mah).. haha.. her cooking is e best k?? n she can cook many many things!!! her ngoi-hiang (dunno how to spell).. v gd de.. haha.. she's my auntie who took care of me since 2months old.. haha.. i can say closer to her than my parents.. esp when i m young.. since i m mostly w her. haha.. den she told me in e afternoon when i called her tt she cooked curry veg.. ask me whether gt eat nt.. i say no.. she say nt spicy de.. i say i nt feeling v well.. den she ask den wat i gng to eat.. i say other things loh.. haha.. n noe wat? she specially cooked potato soup for me.. haha.. so gd.. haha.. den she ask me to take some curry veg.. i say dun wan.. den my uncle say she dun wan eat den dun force her.. haha.. i love my uncle!! haha.. cos he's like one of e FEW who dun force me to eat spicy stuff or stuff tt i dun like.. haha.. they v sayang me.. always ask me eat eat eat.. tt's y when i m p5,6 i was fed fat by them.. haha.. now tt i m gng over to her hse twice a wk for tuition, i'll get to eat her food more.. haha.. ok.. i m hungry now..

n.. ytd was e first tym i wore my newly bought sunglasses.. haha.. esp after my appt.. i wore it all e way to yew tee for tuition.. even when in e train.. haha.. dun care.. haha.. i think ppl will think i siao.. underground oso wear sunglass. haha.. well. my eye was a bit watery n red.. so better to put on sunglass right? n it was uncomfortable. haha..

thank u panadol n dustbin.. haha.. ok.. ignore tt.. i m crapping..

ok.. here is an analogy tt i heard during sharing w my brothers n sisters when i attended their camp 2 wks ago.. they attended a talk n heard tis analogy and brought it back to share with us.. e talk is bout BGR.. here goes e analogy..

u take a new scrotchtape.. it's clear n u can c thru it.. tis is jus like how one is b4 she/he enters into a relationship.. his/her views on relationships r e purest.. n she/he sees things clearly.. n when u get into a relationship, it's like sticking the tape onto your hand. when u break off, it's like pulling the tape out. when u pull e tape out, u feel e pain. cos it's a new n sticky tape.. n when u pull it out, wat is left on e scrotchtape is e hair of e other party n e tape is oso no longer clear like b4. tis means tt when u break off, u bring with u something tt belongs to e other party. it may b memories or other stuff. n ur view on relationships will no longer be as pure as before.. u kind of c things differently cos ur views r affected by ur past relationships. n when u get into another relationship n stick on e scrotchtape again, it wun b tt sticky anymore.

i like tis analogy alot.. though simple.. yet it aptly describe how things r.. it'll b best to wait for e right one n stick on tt scrotchtape, never to take it out.. e right one is worth e wait.. haha..

Labels: relationships

ok.. here to add 2 things tt i forgot to add with regards to my msia trip.. haha.. on arrival at malacca, i saw A&W fastfood outlet.. n recalled tt there used to be A&W outlets in s'pore.. ah.. i m missing it.. didnt get to eat it though. haha..

another thing was tt on sat morning when i got out of e car, i stepped into e puddle of mud.. 1 feet only la.. but lol... haha.. nt those sticky de.. haha.. dunno how to explain.. haha.. nt like those mud in ubin though.. but it still reminds me of ubin mud. haha..

hmm.. my legs v suan now.. haha.. i really v long didnt exercise le.. tis is bad.. haha.. n i hv become like lobster.. -.- may get a bit burnt. -.- ah.. wateva. haha... n i really become more auntie.. concerned bout stuff at home.. like leaking of e sink.. -.- tis implies another thing.. oh well.. i guess i'll help my mum out in tis.. n ya.. i'll plan my earnings from tuition from tis month well.. haha..

haha.. i think i m so clumsy again.. i knocked my head as i was entering e car today.. haha.. n jus now.. cos of my wet hair, i nearly slipped.. oh well.. i did slipped.. but managed to break my fall.. haha.. nearly did a half split.. lol.. haha.. n i bring my cam to msia.. didnt use it.. it stayed in my backpack as i brought my waistpouch w me around.. haha.. i think i v auntie.. haha.. use waistpouch.. haha..

yay!!! back in s'pore!! haha.. so happy.. haha.. i feel so freed.. haha.. cos i can go places i wan in s'pore.. dun need ppl to drive me around.. dun need ppl to follow me around.. dun need to b forced to eat some stuff.. dun need to like feel so restricted, etc.. lol.. haha.. i feel freed! haha.. i can taste my freedom again.. LOL! i m exagerrating.. haha.. ok.. since i m back.. i'll b happy n forget those unhappy moments back there.. haha. hmm..

i think i m a 'workaholic'.. haha.. charlene is still right in a certain way.. haha.. while i was still on my journey back (in s'pore le lah.. haha), i already sms my tutees to fix tuition tym.. lol..hmm. i think i better take a rest ar.. haha.. i m weird.. when i m busy w sch work, i desperately wan a rest.. when i m free, i packed myself w stuff.. lol. haha.. i think i v opp from my friends.. my friends like to go msia.. i dun.. haha.. i m back in s'pore.. a place where i grew up n is comfortable w.. haha.. no lang prob. dun need to worry bout getting lost.. relatively safe.. n i can go places alone.. haha. n if i get lost? i jus need to get a cab n give e cabby my add.. or dial a friend's no to ask for help.. or for cab's no.. haha.. i love it back here.. :) haha.. like tis hor.. how to go overseas for exchange? haha.. n last tym, i would wan to stay in those 2 storey-house.. haha.. actually opp my block is another hdb block. those 2 storey de.. haha.. but hor.. now a few days stay in msia.. i think i prefer single-storey.. cos double storey go up n down v ma fan. haha..

in e morning.. went to relative B's new house. they shifted in today.. hmm.. gt those rituals in e morning.. hmm.. i think lucky my mum hv nt went to my hostel b4.. or she will nag at e positioning of my bed.. haha. hmm.. den went for breakfast b4 heading for e bus terminal.. got on to 1.30pm bus to johor-larkin.. reached larkin round 5.45pm.. 170 super long queue.. managed to get on to e 2nd one.. reached back s'pore at 7plus.. haha.. i love s'pore immigration..haha.. i hv said it so many tyms.. haha.. n i feel so happy to b back in s'pore, to b stepping on s'pore ground. haha.. when i took e lift up to my hse, i was telling my mum.. v long didnt take lift le. haha.. yup.. home sweet home.. w my own bed.. my laptop.. haha.. i can put e laptop on my lap n use.. haha.. i can watch local tv.. hmm.. i can chat on msn! haha.. n i can smile to myself while viewing pics n convo.. haha.. cos i think ppl think i siao.. keep smiling to myself.. i think i look like a small child.. laptop is my lollipop.. cos my relatives keep saying.. '她有电脑就会笑了/就开心了' haha. wateva.. dun care. -.- small kid jiu small kid loh.. k.. msia 'expedition' behind me.. welcome back to my country! haha..

hmm.. was out shopping again w my cousin.. tis tym a younger one.. haha.. first tym take a car tt is driven by someone younger than me.. haha.. jus both of us.. haha.. actually she's only a yr younger than me. haha.. hmm.. i sat next to e driver's seat.. i think she's e first female cousin to drive me. haha.. hmm.. interesting.. i think starting from tis yr, i start to take e cars of many who r quite young! haha.. wah.. driving on m'sia road quite scary.. haha.. esp in KL.. haha. really congested.. haha.. mm.. starting shopping was weird.. we dun talk much to each other. haha.. den after tt we start to talk.. n shop tgt.. haha.. shopping started at daiso.. lol.. daiso here is RM 5.. haha.. hmm.. v funny hor.. s'pore gt daiso i dun wanna shop.. come here shop daiso.. haha.. i bought RM45 worth of stuff.. mostly nt for me.. haha.. for xmas gifts. haha.. hmm.. den cont shopping.. yay.. i gt idea on wat to get for barker le.. haha.. getting when i m back in s'pore.. haha.. i think tis is terrible lah.. i spent a total of RM 155 in 3 days.. haha... mostly is ytd n today.. haha.. but i only bought a sandals, a hole puncter (e one w design de) n a pair of sunglasses for myself. haha.. srsly, e sunglasses was ex.. dunno how many chances i'll get to wear it oso.. cos i didnt put degree.. haha.. cos my degree is still changing! haha.. i v funny loh.. when i 'need' to hv sunglasses right after my op to protect my eyes, i dun hv.. now when i dun really need it den i go buy. haha.. i v wols loh.. haha.. aiya.. i was telling my dad dunno where to buy mah.. cos those 10 bucks de dun protect against uv light de.. wear those might as well wear my own spects.. cos my lenses protect against uv light.. haha.. ok.. shopping in msia is bad.. cos i spend money like no one's business.. haha.. sometimes oso lazy to use my wols brain to convert back to sing dollars. haha.. ok.. hmm.. no more spending le.. but i didnt buy bag. n shorts. ah.. wateva. haha.. go back s'pore den shop more loh.. haha.. settle xmas presents first. hmm.. i need atm when i m back. haha.. when i left for m'sia, i hv more ringet than sing dollars.. lol! haha.. ok.. let me tell u a dangerous thing jus now. haha..

we were at a road junction.. it was knock off from work tym.. so jam.. -.- hmm. i shall label e traffic my left, right n front. ok.. it's green light for us... our car was along e front line.. but we cant go str! (tt's where we r heading).. cos e car from our right spillover.. so it's infront of us.. so we cant move.. den when they move off, it's green light for e cars infront of us.. so they turn in loh.. so oso block us lah.. den after tt, it's green light for e cars to our left.. they turning in n moving str.. so we oso cnt move lah.. den it's red light for us n green for e cars on our right.. how??? we r already away from e line.. in e path of 1 lane coming from e right.. n we cnt move back.. cos behind is pack w cars.. n some stupid drivers were horning.. -.- haha.. so e cars from our right hv to detour around us n another car.. haha.. so dangerous.. if some drivers nt awake.. den bang.. haha.. our car will b first impact. haha.. den when it's green for us again.. lucky we can go.. haha.. n in case u guys dunno, for msia now, backseat ppl oso need put seatbelts..

gd news today is tt tonight staying over at relative A's hse.. aka e hse tt i m now in, using internet. haha. i think i v blessed hor.. gt ppl drive me around.. den gt free food to eat.. haha.. hmm.. my cousin was hving prob w reverse parking jus now.. haha.. i told her it's ok.. haha.. she oso ask me whether i gt license nt.. haha.. n these 3 days in e cars.. i kept hearing e same song repeating over e radio countless times.. it's li shen jie song.. gu lao de shi zhong.. i from nv hear b4 till hear sian.. haha.. i hear alot of canto songs.. haha.. i m quite loss here.. cnt understand malay.. cnt understand canto.. these r like e most common lang spoke here.. even when u r purchasing things.. haha.. when i was at malacca, i think one malay salegal spoke to me in malay.. haha.. anw, i think canto songs r nice.. though i dun understand a single word.. haha..

ok.. a sudden observation.. haha.. in s'pore.. my father's side relatives.. i hv cousins older than me n younger than me.. in blocks lah.. as in a few ppl e age quite close.. i m e middle block.. e upper block r 20plus.. 1 married, e other 3 working.. e one nearest to me shld b 4 or 5 yrs older than me.. den middle block, i m e eldest, w 2 cousins younger than me.. 1 1yr, another 2 yrs.. den e lower block is a brother n sister.. brother older.. younger than me 7 yrs.. haha.
den in m'sia.. i oso middle block.. haha.. older de r mostly married, i think one gng to b father tis month le.. aiya.. i became auntie to my nieces n nephew long ago.. haha.. den nearest to me de is i think oso 4-5 yrs older than me bah.. den my turn.. again, i m e oldest of my block.. w 2 cousins.. 1 younger 1 yr (e one tt drove me today).. another 2 yrs.. haha.. den e young block again.. tis tym, v young.. all still small kids.. haha.. running around.. some babies too. haha.. ok.. y m i always e eldest of my block? w nobody infront of me? haha.. thot 1988 shld hv alot of babies? where r e babies from 88 n 89 in my family? haha.. hmm.. tml faster come.. haha.. den it'll b home sweet home! haha.. i wanna do alot of stuff back there! haha.. cant wait. haha.. ok.. i think i gng siao here. haha.. crappy. haha.. hmm..